Love without boundaries.

Let it be known, that I will always believe that Love wins every battle.
I will always believe that this kind of love stands up and fights in the face of those who cast judgement about things they have no idea about.
'Right' and 'wrong' can be arbitrary and confusing concepts, especially when you have to reconcile your opinion with your beliefs.

And either way, the situation is there... and its not going to change any time soon. You can choose to accept it, and risk people thinking that you have missed something vital in the 'Word'. When all the while, you know what the Bible says. You know it says this isn't cool. Yet, for me... I can no more believe that white people are superior than I can believe that gay people should have less rights than the straight ones. And my heart beats, and it burns to know God more. So does the heart of the one I love that is going through all this. I can breathe in the relief that, I myself, am not gay. I can live in the reality that I am very straight, and that pre-disposition sets me up for greater success and acceptance in this world. And nobody is turning their back on their faith right now, just wading through piles of questions. How do you hear God's voice through the other voices clogging up the communication lines?

Believe it or not, I just had a person I have never met question my relationship with God because of my associations. At first, I was shocked. Then I was kinda angry. Then sad. Then, I realized that I better get my attitude in check, and let this offence fall off me like water off a duck's back. He asked, 'How can you be a Christian when you have such a close friend who is gay?'. After the initial feeling of wanting to punch him in the face for saying that, I wondered how often I judge people's situations without knowing the story behind it. How often do I ask these questions in my head, or assume someone has a sub-standard spiritual life because of who they hang out with or the opinions that they hold. Maybe we all think these things, just most of us have the sensibility not to say them out loud.

CS Lewis said that 'Love becomes a demon, the moment it becomes a god'. Agreed.
My love for any human, will never ever be more important than my love for God. I hope I live my life around enough people who would hold me to that. But, I will live my life with all kinds of people, who make all kinds of choices and I will love them honestly, passionately, protectively and genuinely until the day I die. My loyalty will not just attach itself to people who do everything I say, and choose everything I choose.
Jesus's didn't.
The end.

A slightly mentally unstable homeless woman walked up to a friend and I ambling down a very busy San Franciscan street on a rainy night. She eyeballed us and said, "Boy, you walking on the wrong side of your lady. You gotta be closest to the road, that's just how it is. You gotta protect her." He automatically switched sides with me, slightly shell-shocked at the unexpected interruption to our conversation. At the time, I thought nothing of it. If he'd been walking three feet away from me & I was still curb side, I wouldn't mind, because I'm secure in our friendship. I know he loves me. But then a thought struck me- a thought that has shaped my week- Just because something 'has been' does it mean it always 'will be'?

(Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of chivalry :)

The philosophically minded amongst us would answer in a resounding, 'not neccesarily' (a firm 'No' would be too absolute. By the way, I'm making fun of myself in that statement.) But what does that even mean for every day life? And furthermore, what does it mean when living life in the context of a belief system with boundaries of things that have been and will always be?

Confused yet? Hang in there.

People used to think the Earth was flat. Did that limit them in any way? Of course it did. Fear of sailing off the edge of the planet & disappearing into oblivion foiled many an explorer's quest. Was it actually going to happen? No. Just because people believed in a flat Earth, didn't mean the world stopped being round. On the day that the news came in about the world actually being spherical, I wonder what the people did. Did they celebrate with friends? Did they go out and buy a globe & spin it around for fun? Did they scoff at such a ridiculous modern notion? Or did they dust off their sailboats and explore?

Imagine you're in 1985. Imagine somebody said, "Take these items: a telephone, a camera, every map in the whole world, a compass, a calendar, a television, a very big notebook, and almost every piece of information known to mankind. Make a device involving all of it. Make it small enough to hold in the palm of your hand. Make it affordable enough for regular people to own." Would you laugh? Would you even try? That sounds ridiculous. Who knew the iPhone would be a reality in just a couple of decades time. Now it's my third arm.

Historically, left-handed people were called a whole bunch of names. They were strongly encouraged to switch to their right hand. Basically, the whole world was designed for right-handers and people couldn't handle the fact that the lefties were different. Its like putting on blinkers & forgetting that maybe, just maybe, the left-handers didn't choose their dexterity...

Can the world be changed by those who fail to muster up the courage to stray from the norm? I don't think so. Stay comfortable, change nothing and no-one. If you sit there & enjoy your own little life, as the world keeps turning you'll soon realize that you've severely missed the point of your existence.

Dream big. Live large. And love unconditionally. The reality is here is that your life probably won't play out the way you originally thought it might. Doing subversive 'good' (for lack of a better word) can ruffle a few feathers, but in the long run, the world is better off for it. Life's too short to play by every single stupid rule.

Lessons in love from Timothy John Baxter.

When I was a little girl (around 5 or 6 years old), I was absolutely enchanted by my Aunty's poodle, Timothy John Baxter. (OK, he didn't really look like the poodle in the photo. But in my head he was THAT grand.) He had his own bedroom (the laundry) with his name on the door, he drank coffee on Saturday mornings and had his hair done at the poodle parlour. Timothy John Baxter was incredible. (If you know my Poodle Theory, it is in direct relation to my love of TJB).

But, Timothy John Baxter was not enchanted with me.

The way I got around this awkward unrequited love, was by using my status as a human being to sneak up and catch him when he least expected it. Then I would hold him as he wiggled and willed to get out of my arms. Try as he might, I held him and hugged him and squeezed the life out of him with my great big love. Eventually an adult would come along and say, "Amy! Let that poor dog go! He doesn't want to be held, he wants to run free. If you let him run free, he might want to come back and cuddle you some time". And at that, I would reluctantly let him run free. Consequently, Timothy John Baxter never came near me. He would never crave my attention, because he knew my attention would literally capture him and squeeze the life out of him. Through the years, and through many lessons of using self control... eventually... with my ignorance, Timothy decided to come near to me. He even eventually sat on my lap willingly. (I hardly knew what to do with myself, I was that excited that this poodle actually enjoyed my company).

Oh, Timothy. You taught me so much more than you realized, my furry friend. Men are just like poodles. They are often hairy, adventurous, strong-willed and hate to be captured without their permission. When you let them run free and do hairy, adventurous things - they eventually decide that your company is what they crave. Even life-squeezing cuddles are OK if they are done out of good intentions.

May you Rest In Peace, up in doggy heaven, you wise old poodle. Every time I see the stars I will think of you Mufasa.... I mean... Timothy John Baxter.

If my day was Status Updates...

... It usually is.

I'm still drying out from Thursday night when a small child decided his entire amount of bath water looked better on me than it did in the tub.

Even when you love somebody a whole lot, being human means you still have the capability of yelling at them when you're covered in their bath water and drowning in their screaming.

Chinatown. Underground restaurants.

Much funner when you're with people who look Asian and speak Cantonese. Oh, and 'Vegetable DELUXE' means there is tofu in it.

Fireworks are legal in China, therefore also legal in Chinatown. Dark Alleys are the best places to dance in the flames, sparks and smoke, like excited 4 year-olds. People look on with one of two expressions - disdain or jealousy. I suspect even the disdainful looks are masking jealousy.

Saturday morning is always marked with waking up to some kind of catastrophe occurring between children upstairs. Then the glorious feeling of knowing that I do not have to fix it.

Herbivore Earthly Grill (Valencia @ 21st) is my most favorite late breakfast place on a Saturday. Today I ordered a Southwestern. Its a tofu scramble served beside black beans, freshly made organic salsa & guacamole, vegan sour cream, house potatoes and corn bread. Delicioso.

I think I just saw Benjamin Gibbard at a cross walk. I know, San Francisco is a city full of Benjamin Gibbard look-alikes. But I wish it really was him. What I wouldn't give to have coffee w

ith his genius.

I just saw a girl walking a shivering, grey, one-eyed chihuahua. What I wouldn't give to own such a cool dog. I wonder what I would call him? Probably Brian, or Kevin, or Gary, or Colin, or Phil or something.

In a Lesbian coffee bar, it would appear. Severe lack of males, and I've mistaken at least 2 girls to be guys - only noticing they were women when they spoke. A guy walked in, demanded in a loud voice that the owner open the bathroom for him & she let out some severe male-hate in his general direction. Awkward turtle.

Oh, Saturday. You inspire me to do everything, yet nothing all at the same time. I

am in love with your possibilities. I'm either going to sew a dress, save the world, write a song, climb a mountain or watch TV. Just after I squander the next ten minutes on YouTube.

Oh hi, you must be 2011. Pleasure to meet you.

I stepped outside my front door at the crack of midday today, finally surfacing from my New Year's Day slumber. I looked at the shiny street - wet with last night's rain. I took in the sight of the bright green grass that sits upon Billy Goat Hill. I looked out at the deserted 30th street, smiling as I exhaled. As soon as my breath left my lips, it turned into fog. Zipping up my furry jacket and pulling up my hood, I realized... this was the first cold New Year's Day I have ever had.

I welcomed in 2011 at a house party in two friend's adjoined apartments in the Outer Richmond, San Francisco. The room where the countdown took place, faced Golden Gate Park and there were pretty fireworks exploding over the vista of our densely populated city. About 40 people crammed in the living room of a relatively small apartment, (most of them) special to me for one reason or another. We lifted our glasses of champagne as we sang, cheers'd & hugged. It really reminded me how much my life has changed in twelve months. What a difference a year makes.

Rewind back to this day last year.
I woke up in a backpacker's hostel in Kings Cross, Sydney. The room smelled like ... backpacks... and the streets were loud with the sounds of drunken foreigners. The night before, I was standing on the 18th storey observation deck of a Darling Point apartment block overlooking Sydney Harbour. I was working with the family I now live with in San Francisco, on their Australian vacation. We were at the house party/BBQ of a Canadian man and his Japanese wife (who kept the Jewish faith and lived in Australia). The house was full of cute little Japanese kids watching Pokemon in actual Japanese. I was accompanying my two British/American charges (then 3 & 6 yrs old) who had no idea how to interact with kids speaking Japanese, let alone muster up the will to watch hours of a foreign cartoon. As the Japanese-Australian kids laughed in unison at the television, Max, Alex & I sat there blinking. I imagined that while the Japanese kids laughed at the TV, our minds were blank... then a tumbleweed rolled through our collective subconscious and crickets started chirping. Soon enough, we started playing Lego & before we knew it we were on the roof watching the Sydney Harbour Bridge light up and the night sky fill with smoke. On this day, last year, I was nomadic. I hadn't owned a bed in at least two months (I sold my bunk beds to 4 teenage boys on eBay for $30). When I did have a bedroom, it had been all but packed up for six months. I packed my room up in a fit of frustration in June 2009, knowing that I was on a journey to somewhere... I just had no idea where. It was in November that I learned that this mystery land would be San Francisco.

I boarded a plane to LAX on March 7, 2010. I waved goodbye to my wonderful family and my most dear friend, Nichy Nott. I was holding my tiny premature niece, Maggie, in my arms right up until I had to board the plane. She was four weeks old. Still, I didn't cry. I wasn't even that nervous. I do have a heart, and I do feel things... but I knew that this was how it was supposed to be. That peace made all the difference. 14 hours later, I was running through the streets of Los Angeles with my life in a suitcase and a girl named Veronica. We were running for our plane to New York, which we only made by cutting the security line and literally running to our seats on the American Airlines 747. After a hilariously dull week at Nanny School in the bustling Metropolis of Oakdale, Long Island, I was on my way home to San Francisco. The home I had never been to before.

Coming up to a year later, SF is still my home. I have watched spring become summer, summer become... fog... fog become... 'Indian Summer', 'Indian Summer' become Winter and Winter being just as cold as summer. Mark Twain once said, 'The coldest winter I ever had was a summer in San Francisco'. I have made friends with some of the most wonderful, interesting, culturally & spiritually diverse people. I have crossed the USA West-East at least 6 times to; New York, Florida, Washington DC, Virginia & Maryland. I Amtrak-ed to Nevada for Christmas where I spent it with my ex-housemate and dear friend, Fania Espinoza and saw more guns than my eyes could take in. Then I used a shotgun to blast glitter-filled bullets into the desert sky. I went to London in the summer, and spent it in Notting Hill then traveling out to a Castle in the Devon countryside. I have given in to the San Franciscan health-crazy, ingredient-reading, vitamin-taking culture. I am a vegan; my body, a bunch of animals and the planet thank me for it. I've learned my way driving around the back-streets, city grid & neighborhoods of San Francisco. I've stood in crowds of weed-smoking hipsters, smile from ear-to-ear, watching bands that fill the 16GBs of space on my iPod, playing before my very eyes (NB: I wasn't smoking the weed.) I've been a perpetual stranger on the road, just like Jack Kerouac. I've sat in my room by myself playing my Maton Guitar singing songs to God by candle light. I've learned the skills to socially survive in cultural climates that are foreign to that of which I am accustomed. I have savored the times I have spent pondering life while listening to Death Cab for Cutie & walking down the street, wishing I could tell stories like Benjamin Gibbard. Yet, I have the most wonderful group of friends who like drinking tea on rooftops, jamming with guitars & ukuleles, telling stories around bonfires, watching Disney cartoon classics, going on road trips and having the most ridiculously themed parties. I have friends that I can hang out with when my mind, body & spirit are exhausted from my day-to-day life. We don't need conversation. We just watch YouTube videos, and that's enough. Even when they are make-up tutorials about how to apply 6 pairs of fake eyelashes. Even when these friends are boys.

But, meanwhile, back in Australia life goes on without me. My parents email me every day and I constantly am behind with my replies (Sorry Mum). My Mum cries every time we Skype. My niece, Maggie, is crawling around and has teeth and is almost celebrating her first birthday. My Grandparents grow older, and as their health fails, my heart is always happy when I look in my mailbox and see a real-life letter from my beautiful Grandma, on old-school airmail paper with ducks on it. My brother is as hilarious as ever, his sons are growing up to be little characters and he & his wife are strong through various adversities that life throws at them. My sister and I talk on Skype & she follows her 2 yr old son Joe around the house with the laptop so he can show me things and play trains with me. I like to take Skype snapshots of her when she makes weird faces, then post them on Facebook. Nichy, my best friend, and her husband Dan have moved back from London and gotten back into the daily grind of Brisbane city. They still celebrate Christmas Eve with the air conditioning on freezing cold, hot chocolates, Santa hats & watching Elf & Home Alone. I miss each and every one of my family members, and my dear friends in Australia. I miss the familiarity & relaxed nature of going to my parents house to swim in their pool, make dinner with them, listen to them yell at the dogs, watch their big TV and open their fridge to take inventory of their food and what I could possibly take back to my house. But I am not homesick, I really haven't been yet. Life for me is here in San Francisco, at least for the next little while.

So, to 2011. What do I want from this year? I could be completely transparent & shallow and just say I want to meet the man of my dreams - a grizzly, Jesus-following hipster with a beard and a love for guitars and coffee... six foot tall with eyes like the ocean... and American citizenship, which he may be willing to share. Yes, I do want that, you got me there. But what I want more, is to give my best to this year. To be less into what I want & more in tune with what I can do to make other people's lives better. I want to take up my battle-scarred green metallic covered Bible and read the CRAP outta its pages. (If you've ever seen this Bible, you'd know what it means to be battle-scarred. Its so beat-up, scratched & even has nail-holes in it from a pair of boots I once owned with exposed nails in the soles. I used my Bible as a hammer. I know that's not a very Holy thing to do with a Bible. To live life with me, my books have to be tough, so its only fitting that my Bible have a metal cover to protect its life-giving words inside.) I want to set more time aside to spend in the presence of the God who made me, keeps me & legitimately cares about what I do. I don't know who, if anyone, will read this. But you may not think God cares about you as a person, but he does. I know that cos I know God. If he didn't care, then He isn't God and the whole Bible is a sham. If the whole Bible is a sham, then Jesus & God couldn't have changed my life like they did and truthfully, dead liars don't heal the sick and change the world. You can believe what you want to though, and the fact remains that I'll never cram my battle-scarred Bible down your throat or bash you over the head with it. I respect that our brains & beliefs may be different. I'll just carry on living my life with my buddy, Jesus.

2011, be good to me. I intend to be good to you in return.

PS: I dedicate the songs I will write this year to JC & FH.

Living in the Golden State, Living on the Golden Gate.

Sometimes when I drive around this city, I catch a glimpse of a vista so beautiful that my heart jumps inside my chest. Sometimes its just the sight of downtown San Francisco from a distance. Its the real life vision of the Golden Gate Bridge enveloped by fog, in a sky so white that a girl from Brisbane can struggle to believe it could all be true. Most days the sun shines, and the weather never gets hot enough to complain about... and whatever is on my mind can honestly fade into the background when I realize how blessed I am to live in San Francisco. Don't even get me started.

So, in my three months of Californian Residency, I have a few things to note.

(1.) When I was a kid, I loved the show 'Full House'. I remember that San Franciscan houses were stuck together - but I was under the impression that the Painted Ladies were the only ones of these types of houses. OK, fast forward to March 14, 2010... I arrived at SFO at about 10pm and driving back through San Bruno to San Francisco, entering the city limits I start noticing the houses all stuck together. And... more... and more. Then I realized. The whole freaking city's houses are stuck together. Its called 'Zero Lot Land Lining'.

(2.) Australians don't know what Mexican food is. And, I don't know many OzMericans (thats an Australian who now calls America home) who actually really, honestly like Mexican food. I have tried - God knows, I've tried. I've tried to eat it to be polite. I've tried to eat it to be cool. I've tried to eat it to look Californian. But I eat, like, a bite and wonder how I'm going to finish it without a struggle. Maybe I'm lost in menu translation. Or theres a chance I actually just don't love it.

(3.) You can cross the street anywhere here and you've got right of way - technically. BUT! You're probably going to get fined for jaywalking. You can just walk on across the street at cross walks without the little white man or red hand. But, for those who haven't thought of it yet... in Australia, you look the opposite way for oncoming traffic. Crossing the street in America, at first, was one of the most confusing things I've ever done.

(4.) The Tenderloin isn't just a part of a chicken. Its a scary part of San Francisco, too. You know you're in the Tenderloin when you were just downtown, then almost instantly you got lost and walked somewhere that smells completely like wee and everyone you see is homeless and/or crazy. I met a man in the street with a perfectly manicured moustache and he told me he wanted to know where the Tenderloin was. I told him he probably didn't want to go there. And then he said, "I am from Afghanistan - nothing scares with me." I am sure nothing does actually scare with him. So I told him the Tenderloin was the opposite direction to where I was walking. For the record, it wasn't. He just scared with me.

(5.) You can post letters by just putting a stamp on them and putting them in your mailbox. Genius. None of this 'walking to the post box' business. Something I quickly noticed about America is that everything is marginally easier here. You can make a cheesecake by buying cheescake filling from the yogurt section at Safeway. Just put it in a pie tin and you're done. You can go to a drive thru ATM. Of course, the first time I did it I didn't know it was a drive thru - I just thought they put an ATM in an obscure spot in the parking lot. So I parked the Audi, walked up to the ATM and this car pulls up behind me, and a man gets out and says, "Why, thats a funny car you have there...". I was mortified, because I get embarrassed when I look foreign. He laughed with (and at) me. The next time I went to the ATM, I drove thru it like a pro, swiping my ATM card that is branded with the logo of the San Francisco Giants Baseball team.

(6.) Even if the drink you're buying at McDonalds costs $1, don't for a minute think it will be small. It will be bigger than your entire stomach. You'll need to stop mid-drink to pee, just to make room for more of the beverage.

Enough said.

(7.) The North Face. Anyone who lives in NorCal will know what I am talking about.

(8.) I like it when tourists ride the Cable Cars and try and act cool. They have this bored face on like they've rode those cars their whole lives, and really, inside they're screaming 'WOOOO!!!' just like the rest of the dags on board with their cameras dangling around their necks and windsheeters with 'San (*stitched Golden Gate Bridge*) Francisco' embroidered on them - clearly purchased from Fishermans Wharf.

(9.) You're likely to have about 5/10 friends who are not American - about about 1/10 friends who are actually a native San Franciscan. I know about 3 people who were born & raised here. Of them; one is American, one Russian and one Chinese.

(10.) I will leave you with a quote from Rudyard Kipling (British Author & Poet)

"San Francisco has only one drawback. ''Tis hard to leave"